It was a momentous day, the day I traded in my school psychologist high heels for some nice comfy SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mommy) flip flops! I have been anxiously waiting for this day for the last few months, and now that it is finally here, I feel like I have been set free. Free to completely indulge in my precious sweet family, without feeling torn, guilty, stressed, and overworked. This day comes after a symbolic last week of work. This week I happened to work my last 3 days all in row, consecutively, which has been uncommon for me since I have had the every other day part-time work schedule. A few things happened that made me quite emotional and strengthened my desire to fully devote myself to our growing family. First, hats off to full-time working mommies, because working everyday, packing up the daycare bags, drop-off, pick-up, then to only get home and rush to get dinner started, I can't imagine how hard it must be to squeeze in that special time.... and before you know it it's time for bed and the next day this rigid routine starts up all over again. Kinda hard to build memories and bond with your baby when you only live for your weekends :( I felt very sad dropping Taji off at day-care every day for 3 days straight, and I already felt like I lost a little bit of our quality time. Secondly, on Monday when I picked up Taji from his Montessori, there was a little girl who was crying her eyes out and would not stop. When I inquired why she was crying so much, the teacher told me she saw another baby get picked up by his mommy and she immediately began crying for her own mama. It broke my heart. The next day, when I again went back to pick up Taji, the teacher and I witnessed another little girl take her first steps! It was incredible but I felt extremely guilty that her own mother was not there to witness her amazing milestone. To think that if I had worked full time this year, I could have missed these special milestones! Brad and I are truly lucky that we were right there with our hearts and our videocamera to capture Taji saying mama and dada for the first time, rolling over, crawling, walking, and now talking so much using real words! If you don't stop and cherish each waking moment, then you miss out and slips right through your fingers.
To prepare for this transition and new chapter of my life, I have been reading some awe-inspiring stories that have once again brought me to tears. Here is one real- life excerpt of a SAHM that really touched my heart and made me feel grateful:
Lisa's story: As I sit to write this letter, my hope is that if just one mother can hear what I have to say and holds her child just a little tighter today, I have fulfilled my reason for writing. By the time I was 29 I had a beautiful baby boy, loving husband, and although never money to spare, we found ways to get by. I had stopped working full-time shortly after my son was born because I loved being with him. I knew I could not work anymore. Something inside of me told me I had to spend as much time with my child as I could. My husband worked extra hours, we budgeted, and we made do with what we had. There were days where I was pulling out my hair, and found myself totally exhausted at the end of the day. But there were also many moments I would never trade in for any job, no matter the pay. Those moments when your child gives you a smile or a look you never forget, moments when they would give you a kiss, a hug, or just hold your hand for no reason. Those are moments a mother treasures in her heart forever and they can never be replaced, not even by a grandmother. I was selfish-- I wanted my child to know me, and I wanted to be that special person in his life.
But perhaps I took too many things for granted. Two years ago my son was killed in an auto accident, he was 22 years old. He was away at college when he decided to get into a car where the driver had been drinking; 10 minutes later he was dead. Our lives will never be the same; our world as we know it has been destroyed. We miss our son terribly. The only thing I can say and that gives me peace in my heart is that I am so grateful for those moments I had with my son. Those moments, the good as well as the crazy ones, I will forever hold close to my heart. All those precious years I spent with my son now are what help me get through the day.
Our children are such special gifts that should never be taken for granted, and life is so unpredictable, we never know if today we will breathe our last breath.
I will NEVER regret, only TREASURE this time of my life, and as I have said before, I want to be my children's mother. I want to love them , hug them , kiss them any time of the day I please, especially before they grow up and run away from us parents or prefer to spend more time with their friends. And with our second Baby Grover on the way (yes! it is official! Special post coming very soon with pics and video) the timing couldn't be more right for us to enjoy what could be our last pregnancy possibly, relish the one-on-one time with Taji before his sibling is born, and then of course we get to relive that first amazing newborn year along with watching Taj grow into a 2 year boy right in front us! I plan to be there every step of the way for Taj and Baby Grover #2 as they grow into toddlers and preschoolers. I have an awesome husband that is an endearing father himself and also sees the importance of having this special time before they are off to preschool. I believe everything happens for a reason, and having Taji by our side this year has strengthened our family even more. Even though change is difficult at first and sacrifices have to be made, the reward is much greater, and time is just as much of a gift. My favorite quote has always been, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is the future, and today is a PRESENT." Amen.
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