Ok, so my sister's prediction that I was going to go into labor right after Baby Jax's celebration dinner did not come true...... however, I went in for my 36th week appointment at the beginning of this week and found out I am already 2cm dilated with my cervix soft and effaced! That explains the on again off again contractions and pressure I felt over Thanksgiving, but do you know what I did when my midwife gave me this update? I started crying! Yes, crying. I am an emotional wreck and somehow the speed of this pregnancy has caught up to me and I feel like it just dawned on me that we are really going to have a second baby to care for! My midwife said that with second pregnancies, labor tends to go faster, and that Jax may arrive in the next few days or weeks, just depends on how strong my contractions get. She told me the feelings I am experiencing are normal and that I should journal my thoughts and fears. Hence, this post!
Funny how things work out, at first I was afraid Jax would be born on Christmas and now I am nervous he may be born too soon in December! Goodness, is there ever a time we are really ready? Last week's intense pressure and contractions got me in the nesting mode and I packed up Taj's bag, my hospital bag, and even things for Jax. I washed all the things we will need in the first days Jax is home, I coordinated my delivery "plan" with my sister (who by the way is on-call and will be caring for Taj when we are in the hospital.) I made sure I had enough broth to make soup, and steel cut oatmeal for the liquid breastfeeding diet (thanks mami for this tip when Taji was first born.) I started drinking my red raspberry leaf tea (that I drank while preggo with Taji), supposedly helps to strengthen the uterus and aid in an easy labor. I even started and almost current with the "Birth of Jax" book that documents his pregnancy. And to ease my worries post birth, I already have our babysitter Sam waiting in the wings to help assist me whenever I need her to after Jax is born. The infant car seat is going to be installed in my car tomorrow, and Sonia is coming to give the home a real good deep cleaning. All that's really left now on our to-do list is to put the crib together and set up Jax's side of the boys' bachelor pad nursery. The nursery is the least of my worries though because Jax will sleep in his pack n' play in our bedroom for the first weeks, even months.
Both Brad and I are crossing our fingers and praying that Jax waits another week at the very least to make his grand entrance. Now don't get us wrong, we would love nothing more than to have Jax spend his very first Christmas with us, we just want to put to rest these other things that need to be done so we can solely focus on our new bundle of joy. Hopefully my stress earlier this week hasn't scared baby Jax too much that now he's going to come late LOL. My wicked dreams lately have brought on new fears about breastfeeding, how I'm going to handle taking care of a toddler plus newborn, and whether I will be a good mom. It doesn't ease my worries that at exactly this time (this month) Brad is super busy with work and gone most of the day and even has to go into the office at night. It kills me that he is not around as much I would like and probably more stressed than myself about Jax arriving early. Things are definitely different second time around. Our household is busy, Brad's work is busy, our schedules and days are booking up fast, and we have a very precocious toddler that demands a lot of attention from us. I'm not surprised that Jax may be born earlier than 39 weeks...... my running after Taj, carrying up loads of groceries on our triple set of stairs, walking and holding Taj, and lifting heavy loads probably isn't delaying the labor process.
Nevertheless, I have decided to completely relinquish control, and told myself that up until this point I have done everything I can to be prepared. I will not stress and I will not take these days leading up to the birth for granted, after all, it could possibly be the last time I experience being pregnant (maybe that's why I'm also feeling emotional.... its like I'm already grieving about my preggo belly.) From here on out its a waiting game, with lots of down time, rest, consumption of water and tea, and positive thinking. I have already relaxed a great deal and in a totally different zone than earlier, I feel much more spiritual and psychologically prepared to deliver and meet my second son :) Thanks to the support and pep talk of friends & family, my mother-in-law kindly coming over and taking Taji out to play for a few hours while I nap, and to the incredible Brad who still manages to bring home dinner, give Taj baths in the evening, and gets up with him in the early mornings despite his insane and long work days. We are even going to try to squeeze in a date night this weekend.
And so I leave you with a photo of my 9 month belly. Whether its days or weeks, I am eager and very excited to hold our precious little Jax and shower him with love!
ps... i forgot to mention that I am at a 45lb. weight gain!!! Jax's approximate weight is at 6 lbs and he has a very strong heartbeat!
