No induction for me, back to good old fashion waiting we go! Let me ask you this though, how many OBs do you think it takes to check a 39th week pregnant woman? Apparently, 2 OBs and a nurse! Seriously, my appointment was a nightmare and I left an emotional mess, and more discouraged than ever. As mentioned before my midwife is now on vacation in India, so I was seen by a new OB yesterday, make that 2 unfamiliar faces. She had a difficult time "finding" my cervix so she called in a male doctor (yes, a MALE doctor! Which made me very uncomfortable!) to check me since she was having issues. Two stirrups, two sets of hands, "stripping of my membranes", and tons of tears later, this vulnerable woman was told she was misinformed about her dilation last week and that I was actually only 2cm dilated, 50% effaced, with my cervix not exactly as soft or ready for labor yet, and far from being a candidate for an induced labor. Talk about confusion and frustration! #1 my hopes and expectations of Jax being born before Christmas were crushed, #2 I feel like an idiot for thinking the last month that he was going to be born early when I was given the wrong numbers and info and wasn't "ready" as I had been told I was, #3 This last month has been an agonizing journey for not only myself, but for Brad, and all our friends and family involved who have anticipated labor "any day now". I'm not going to discredit my midwife whatsoever because she has been my midwife for the last 2 years, and knows my cervix the best, but I feel like my being told I was dilating at 36 weeks put me on a rollercoaster of not being ready, then being ready, then false labor, then becoming very impatient, to now this setback. I feel like I just took a step backwards! If it wasn't for me being misinformed, having to take care of a toddler 24/7, and nearing the holidays, I swear I would be fine.... but I am done, put a fork in me please! To make matters worse, I was at a whopping 51 lb. weight gain when they weighed me. The OB told me most of it was water weight, that I have at least 6 lbs of water in my feet (i told you I was a swollen hippo).
All distress and disappointment aside, I have come to the realization that the most important thing is that Jax is a healthy baby boy, and that my body and he have to be ready...... there's nothing more I can do than wait and be positive. I have so much to be grateful for, and I know that no matter how many days or weeks (if he decides to go over 40 weeks) there is an end in sight for this pregnancy, and I will be back comfortable in my own body holding my sweet little newborn in no time, and probably when we least expect it. I have tried everything from jump starting the contractions, to positive thinking, praying, even requesting an induction to bring this little human being into this world before Christmas, and if its not meant to be then we just have to live with that. If he is born on the holiday or close to it, I know that as a family we are creative and will find a way to make his birthday special every year of his life.
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