This is first-time Stay At-Home Mom (7 months pregnant along with a toddler) checking in for the first of many confessions. I thought I would miss working and all the different interactions. Nope. I don’t miss waking up at the crack of dawn (I have never been a morning person), or the panicked rush out the door, the commute, the stressful meetings, the endless report writing and testing, the crazy parents and teachers, missing my baby and feeling guilty I wasn’t with him, and then lastly, the dreadful daycare pick-up and mad dash to get home and spend some quality time before bedtime. No thank you. I realize now that maybe I wasn’t so good at balancing work and being a new mom. Even part time, I felt pulled in too many directions.
Life is simple now. No stress, no schedules (except the ones I make), and more time to simply enjoy life and “live.” Most importantly, no feeling like there aren’t enough hours in the day. I love not knowing what day of the week it is. The nagging guilt has flown out the window. I love that my #1 priority and focus is on my baby (soon-to-be babies), husband, and home. Time passes slowly, which is godsent right now with our little ones. I’m living life on my own terms….. no alarm clocks, no deadlines, no time consuming work. Granted, there are days my patience is tested to the max, and no 3pm or 5pm end of work day for me…. but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. At the end of each day I have my precious memories of special moments with Taj, going on adventures, learning something new through his eyes, him learning something new or accomplishing a skill, and best of all, THE FAMILY TIME. Family time in the morning when we sleep in, eat breakfast together, and play before Brad goes into the office. Family time during lunch when Brad comes home to eat and hang out. Family time in the evening, when we eat dinner together most nights, play, and tuck Taji into bed. Even family time the entire day, when Brad decides to take a day off spontaneously. How lucky are we that we get this much family time, and this is just the weekdays I am referring to!
Interestingly, what most SAHMS won’t admit is that it can get a bit isolating and boring (yes, I just said those words!!!)…. But again I believe it is a choice and up to the mom to make the effort to plan for the day, for the week, and put herself out there socially. I balance my time being a mommy and also being me and being a wife. When Friday rolls around I look forward to my "me" time and date nites or our group dates! I get to see my girlfriends more often, whether its a girl nite or a playdate with our kids. I don’t miss having to put on make-up and getting dressed up every day, but I do miss the attention and compliments from my co-workers. I don’t miss the politics and drama, but I do miss the friendships that have drifted. As with any new chapter, friendships are tested. Those that are invested and committed for the long haul remain and grow with us.
Alas, looking back the only regret I have is that I didn’t become a stay at-home mom right when my 1st son was born. I didn’t know back then what I know now. In a bizarre philosophical kind of way, everything in my past has prepared me and led me to this. I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to have had my 20’s to play, party, study, travel the world, and had that special 5 year couples time with Brad before embarking on parenthood. Having worked as a nanny, behavior therapist for children with Autism, private consultant to families, and a 4 year career as a School Psychologist and Counselor have all given me the ridiculously useful skills and tools to be a good mom. I am my son’s teacher, potty trainer, activity director, researcher, family gourmet chef, house manager, party planner, events coordinator, and travel agent (notice I didn’t say housekeeper LOL). It’s almost like I am evolving and growing on a whole new level! Would I have had the time and energy to teach my toddler how to recognize and read simple words, how to potty train him at a young age, to attend Storytimes and foster his love for books, to cook him healthy meals from scratch that nourish his brain, or go to mommy & me classes and have playdates with all these new moms and kids, if I was working right now? No way Jose! Would I have as easy and enjoyable of a second pregnancy if I was stressing out at work? Probably not. Would I even be half as good of a mom? Maybe not, and definitely not up to the standard I aspire to be. Even my creative outlets of photography, design, travel, cooking, and baking have been reawakened.
With everything I set my mind to, I put in 105%, and this is no different. I have researched and narrowed down the best parks, the best nature areas, indoor activity centers, mommy & me classes, and ideas for playdates….and most are free! I have come to find that our local public libraries are our best friend, the Storytimes (more like circle time/ music time/ story time) are FABULOUS! Orange County really is a mecca for moms with young babies, because there are so many resources, places to visit, things to do, and other moms to do it with! Never a dull moment, and always something happening around the corner! We love the mommy & me classes (conveniently located at the CYC just down the street from us!), the farm, the local nature centers, the local playgrounds, and Frogg’s Bounce House. Every month I have a slew of new parks and museums on the list to check out with Taj, and every week I plan a day trip of some sort (a new park, zoo, etc.) along with playdates. The weekends are usually reserved for family time with daddy and long-distance trips.
This is what our week usually looks like:
Mondays & Weds - In the AM: walk to storytime at library (play and check out books & rent movies for us grown-ups), Mommy & Me gymnastics class (Mondays) or Mommy & Me “Music Together” class (Weds), Naptime & late lunch. Then in the PM: play at home or run errands or go to playground before dinner
Tuesdays & Thurs - In the AM: Open Play at Frogg’s Bounce House with other toddlers & moms , Naptime & late lunch. In the PM: Playground, playdate, or day trip of some sort
Fridays- In the AM: free morning to play at home or go outside, Lunch & Naptime. In the PM: Sam comes to babysit & play with Taj (while mama has “me” time and we parents get a date nite)
There you have it! The beauty is that I can change up our weekly schedule as much as we like, depending on how active we feel, or whether we are sick or tired. There’s also the perfectly good excuse to just stay home and cuddle! There are always make-up classes and plenty of other storytimes and playdates to catch on a different day. We can be as spontaneous as we like! All of this exploring, learning about the many resources and things-to-do, as well as meeting moms of toddlers & newborns is helping me visualize and plan out how I will balance taking care of my TWO boys come December! Stay tuned for that upcoming confession.........
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