Its been a busy year so much so that i completely fell behind on
posting. Our Euro Trip of 2015 photos completely set me back as I could
not upload them or write commentary fast enough. I have caught up for
the most part, but the summaries are not going
to be as in-depth. Rather than abandoning our amazing family blog that
has documented so much of our journey and experiences, I am trying to
keep up and just mainly post the important stuff. One day soon,
numerous blog-to-print books will be made and sit
on our bookshelves, serving as a badge of honor for so many Grover
family years. Even though I have not been able to keep up with the
monthly and annual posts, I gravitate to our blog website quite
frequently to remind myself of our annual traditions, trips,
and milestones. The boys enjoy looking back on their baby pictures and
videos I posted. I used to be so creative with my posts- those are
definitely keepsakes for the boys to read when they are older and can
better appreciate our family virtual photo/video
album. This blog also serves as a testament of our growth.
Shortly after starting this blog, and documenting both boys' baby
years, we moved from the West Coast to the East Coast, and blogging
became even more essential. It connected us to so many of our family
and friends living around the world, curious about
our life and how we were managing the zip code adjustment. As I look
back to 2012 and every year there after, I come to find how our emotions
and feelings are continuously changing from year to year. Our move to
NY has in fact always been a love-hate relationship.
We've experienced everything from sheer joy, and feeling grateful, to
complete confusion and depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder during
the winter months?). I guess no matter where you live, there are
negatives and positives, however, our situation is
so extreme. We ping-pong from the very rural, sometimes desolate
4-season small town to the very bustling, high energy, sometimes
maddening suburban/city "always sunny and warm" utopia. Every time we
travel back and forth-- which is sadly not as often as
I wish we could if only Ca and NY were so much closer- my mind and soul
undergo a shock treatment. Sometimes my mind is torn over the decision
and current residential status. In the early years, we were quite
content and gratified because we were building
this extraordinary family life. We could have this huge custom family
house on a lake with land and dock. We had privacy and space from
neighbors. We had time to just be, because there was no school schedule
to adhere to. or places we needed to be. We
could afford all these toys for both kids and adults, vacations, as
well as other properties, strictly because cost of living is cheap. We
seized the Autumn colors with family hikes and local
outdoor adventures. We weathered through the Winter months, finding
our solution in our Ellicottville ski weekends and hunkering down with
our little family in our bunky. We survived the always frustrating
Spring season with mini-vacations, and trips to either Canada or
California. Ironically, whenever we did winter or Spring
on the West Coast, we appreciated the green nature and the ocean, and
realized this was the missing piece to our puzzle in WNY. I never
thought I would say I appreciate the nature in CA- as the feeling of
lacking nature is what convinced us to move to Bemus.
But when you lose all the color and beauty, and its replaced with sad,
bare, brown trees and brush almost 6 months out of the year, you
quickly realize how we took Southern California's mountains, palm trees,
cliffside beaches, and perfectly manicured gardens
and sidewalks for granted. Theres something to be said about the
effect weather and lack of nature has on you, especially on a person who
spent majority of her life in a year-long sunny summer-esque climate.
A quick run-down of our years in Bemus:
2012-2013 was our honeymoon period. We vicariously embraced each season and weather change, for myself and the boys, this was our first time for everything. We remodeled and beautified our house, and began the exciting local and nearby city adventures.
Then after my first trip back to my CA roots, the end of 2013 through 2014 sent (me) on an emotional downward spiral, and we saw many shifts in our social life and perspectives. Our honeymoon bubble was officially popped, we cut the cord off of our so-to speak built-in network we originally moved into, and we had to fend for ourselves. After the completion of numerous house renovations, we concentrated on creating new friendships and connecting with the surrounding community. I further immersed myself in our new life by volunteering, and boys began to attend community preschool and music programs. Our newfound social life and babysitter gave us an even more enhanced life, which made us love living where we did and became our reason for staying put.
2015 delivered many more local and international trips, vacations, celebrations, a yacht club social club membership, -basically more activities and fluff to occupy ourselves and keep up with. The international travel was cathartic but also made me always want to be somewhere else besides the tiny pocket of WNY. The frequent trips to NYC for Czech Consulate business unleashed the city girl mindset within me. This was the first of many "big fish in a small pond" feelings about Bemus.
2016-2017 was a game changer for sure. With the accruement of our Ellicotville winter weekend lifestyle, the Bemus summer debauchery, the boys both in public school now, and adhering to specific schedules, our quintessential family life began being pulled in many directions and stretched way too thin. We were living a very fast-paced life in a very slow-moving place. Cracks began to appear in our perfect family life. The clock we slowed down upon our move, now sped up uncontrollably. There were social distractions, tension, and arguments. Brad indulged in his environment, while I felt overwhelmed with everyone else's schedule and heavily out of balance. As Brad concentrated on his new office, the boys on their full-time school schedule, I worked hard to carve out a little something for myself. My volunteer library and community work led to public service/ humanitarian charity work, party planning and book club leadership, working out with a personal trainer, and finally, transitioning into my education field. I was ready to revive my career, so I applied for my NY school psych/ counseling credential and began substitute teaching while the boys were in school.
Enter a chaotic rollercoaster of emotions. So, here we are, and we've almost made a complete 180 from where we started. Instead of the charming simplified slow-pace life, we managed to flip into a complicated, on-the-go life, juggling school, work, play, and numerous properties. Have we lost the premise of us moving here? Have we lost that uniquely extraordinary life we desired? No. We just grew up. When the boys were babies, we focussed on them, started new traditions, and were there for every single milestone. Now, that 5 years has passed, they are school-aged and we have no choice but to be active participants in our community and adhere to the social norms and rules of this new chapter of family life. Our needs have changed. Our schedules and daily routines are restricted by the school calendar, there is less spontaneity and fluidity. We are constrained by what is available to us and the four-season climate. Naturally, this could be our lifestyle in any zip code, more or less. Boys in school, after-school sports and activities, mom and dad working, planning vacations and trips during breaks. Welcome School Years! There's no way around this structure and phenomenon. Unless you homeschool, or become a nomad family (the thought did cross my mind), this is a reality you cannot alter. We have about 12 more years of this. School, work, and the occasional vacation, then repeat-- for the next TWELVE years! Talk about growing stagnant!!!!
I don't regret moving to WNY five years ago. It was a blessing, a reprieve from our daily routine in CA at the time. We desired a change. We yearned for space, privacy, and slow speed. We did slow down the clock, we were 150% present in our boys' toddler and preschool years. We traveled to 7 countries, on 3 continents, and massive amount of cities. We strengthened the underlying foundation our family is built upon, introduced the boys to their roots (Brad's Bemus upbringing, my Czech heritage, Austrian background, Spain family connection, and California history) while teaching them about other cultures, languages, and the beauty of travel. We taught them to contribute back to every community through charity and volunteer work. We created summer and Christmas traditions, even annual Europe traveling. We introduced them to life-long sports (skiing, lake sports, and golf), and others like karate, baseball, and soccer. We taught them the importance of books and reading, and immersed them in piano. They have been taught to succeed academically, build friendships, try new things, and taught to be as flexible, kind, and open-minded. They are natural-born adventurers and world travelers. They have a city mentality, and small-town beginnings. Both boys are big dreamers too. Whether its wanting to be a police officer and protect communities, veterinarian to help animals, or developing their own toy-lego company when they grow up, or wanting to live in NYC, California, and Austria- the sky has no limits and the possibilities are endless. They know this because of partly the strong traits they inherited from their parents, and their vast exposure to opportunities and experiences at a young age. I don't want them to ever lose that spark. I want them to continue to dream big, to be inspired by new things, to have endless opportunities, to have choices, and to be challenged. Can a small town deliver all these things and keep them on their toes? Will their big city and worldly mindset make them feel bored and restricted in the next 12 years of their schooling, with the same group of students, teachers, and sleepy community? The danger is that unlike the simple upbringing Brad had growing up in this pocket of WNY, the boys travel out quite a bit, and they get a taste of city life, California life, Europe life, and most importantly, they can compare. They will be very aware of the haves, have not's, opportunities, and lack of opportunities and amenities. They will grow up to have very different opinions and viewpoints than their peers in Bemus, Strictly because of their unique knowledge and experiences.
We take parenthood very seriously, and because both Brad and I have such different upbringings (him- small town America, me-immigrant amidst California suburbia.), we wanted to provide our boys with an exceptional childhood. We come from very different families, values, traditions, and geographical regions, yet somehow we managed to find each other and connect over our love for travel and cultures. We are the ying and the yang, and both Leos. Our differences contribute to our individual drive and work ethic, our similarities makes us very adaptable, passionate, and grateful for our experiences. Unlike most, we have been fortunate to make decisions as we please, and as a team, we work together to make things happen. In the beginning, I wasn't so sure I wanted to raise my boys in the community I grew up in, because as an adult I saw the negatives. Brad on the other hand, wanted the boys to grow up in his community because all he saw was the positives. I don't think it was until we moved back here, that he began to see the negatives now as an adult. He may have realized that though Bemus brings him the nostalgia of his youth, it has changed and it isn't like that for modern day youth anymore, and maybe it hasn't progressed as much as it should have. Its almost frozen in time. Now, in reverse, I see the positives and advantages of my youth living in California, and I want my children to have that opportunity as well.
Looking back, our goals for giving our boys an amazing childhood was
1) a simple, grounded, and humble upbringing,
2) a great education with ample opportunities,
3) world travel and exposure to issues and things we deem as important now as adults (that maybe we did or didn't have growing up ourselves).
These 3 factors were what we concentrated on and helped us make the decision to return to Brad's hometown. We also envisioned ourselves living this bicoastal life, incorporating both CA and NY lifestyles and pros, as well as regularly showing them the world. Well, 5 years later, how have we progressed on those goals? I believe we have achieved 1/3 and that is the most we will attain. Why I say this, is because unfortunately (and beyond fortunately) Brad owns a very successful IT company, and I have a substantial career on the high-end of the education field, we are always going to be in the top bracket of financial earnings within any community. Just because we moved the boys to a very simple and humbling small-town community, doesn't mean they will grow up simple and humbled. Sure we've taken away the shiny, glittery, and materialistic community we thought Newport Beach was, and moved them into a rural, run-down, and old community, BUT we've set them up with an an above-average house (make that multiple houses), plenty of nice things and toys, given them access to travel and the world (including luxurious vacations), and quite literally whatever they ask for, they earn it from us. Realistically, this concept alone creates a very different childhood than Brad and I could ever fathom as kids. We took away the flashy environment but we replaced it with a flashy lifestyle. What is the difference, right?
Next up, the problem with the education system in a small town, is that you are confined to an indoor school and classroom because of Winter, forcing the boys to sit and be inactive for 7 hours a day. Being a substitute teacher has served a purpose during the time too, as I have been able to observe how the Bemus schools run, how the teachers teach, an insight into the curriculum and daily routine, and overall atmosphere of both elementary and high school. I am not as impressed as I hoped I would be. The schools are out-dated, there is concern over the water and air circulation system, there is lack of outdoor recess and any recess in general, movement, and creativity in the elementary, lack of career opportunities and stimulation for the high schoolers. I'm not that impressed with the teachers, some are good, but some are awful and that creates anxious kids. As far as opportunities go, there are fewer for the kids in this small town. Unless you are a skier during the winter months, there is nothing to do. The little there is, its limited or in bad areas. Fresh air and sunshine is good for the soul, and here, you must take Vitamin D and ski, if you are going to survive the cold months. I just remember being active as a kid and ability to play outside whenever I wanted or go and try a new activity. As the boys get older, I find them yearning for more activity, free play, and them feeling consistently cooped up and bored. The boys despise getting dressed for cold weather as well! I worry about their anxiety, individuality, and friendships. With no family connection or family get-togethers, it leaves us disconnected from the community. I think the boys naturally gravitate to California because it represents family memories and connections (Chloe). When it comes down to it, all I really want for the boys is to love school, enjoy the diversity, the socialization, and challenge themselves. Outside of school, I want them to be outside as much as possible. Whether its outdoor sports, or riding their bikes around the neighborhood, or going to the community pool with their friends ..... not just in the summer.
#3 Goal is definitely being accomplished but that is regardless of the zip code we live in. Bemus has given us the time and money to get the ball rolling on travel, and in fact, probably giving us the NEED and desire to get out and travel! But with my future additional income, we will be be able to continue to travel regardless of where we live. I was a traveler and planner before marriage and kids, I will always continue to be a traveler and planner. Its in my genes. It feeds my soul and I cannot live without it. Now, its exciting and special to travel with the boys. Maybe CA life would slow down travel, but now that the boys have to adhere to a school calendar, this only, slows down travel no matter where you live.
Which brings me to the conclusion. Despite the ups and downs we've experienced when changing our life from one coast to the other, the whole experience of these last 5 years have served a vital purpose. On a large scale, we focused on our family and figured out our always-changing wants and needs. On an individual scale, Brad was able to spend precious time with his father before he passed away, reconnect and establish a new relationship within the community he grew up in, become more athletic, and tap into the designer and contractor side of him when creating the office of his dreams. Ellicottville was a good solution for the last 2 years, but I'm surprised how quickly we have outgrown it. I feel like theres more negatives than positives in continuing to invest in Ellicottville. Now to me..... the longer I live in Bemus, the more out of place and restricted I feel. Sure, I have branched out, made friendships left and right, always trying something new, always doing something to help, always trying to make things happen.... but that is the exact problem, I am too driven, passionate, and too much of a dreamer to stay in one place and one chapter for too long. Already I feel like I'm not living to my potential. My career potential, my adventure potential, my outdoor nature potential, my envisioned community potential. I admit, the political realm has adversely affected my view of the people and community. It just doesn't represent me, nor does it define who I am. I promised myself at the very first doubt that I would never let the ugly and the broken side of Jamestown and Bemus define who I am and what I stand for...... but its overwhelmed me quite a bit. As I get older, I know this for a fact, surround yourself with those that share in the same values and positive energy, and immerse yourself in a healthy fulfilling environment. I feel that with every bad feeling or experience I receive from living here, it wears and depletes my sunny disposition. I am becoming hardened. I have never wanted to choose between CA or NY, I always yearned to keep up with our dual lives, but a week here or there in CA is not enough to satisfy my being. Balance is the answer. Balance is necessary for achieving happiness and gratitude. The balance of a NY summer tradition (as we initially had) along with summer travel, with a CA school year and school psych career is essential to my being and for our family. The type of energy ones feels somewhere is super important for self-growth. Thus, the journey continues.....
(Prior to our move (Summer of 2011) when we were just beginning to be a Family of Four... with Jax in my belly, and our dreaming of a slower-paced family life in a quintessential environment)
A quick run-down of our years in Bemus:
2012-2013 was our honeymoon period. We vicariously embraced each season and weather change, for myself and the boys, this was our first time for everything. We remodeled and beautified our house, and began the exciting local and nearby city adventures.
Then after my first trip back to my CA roots, the end of 2013 through 2014 sent (me) on an emotional downward spiral, and we saw many shifts in our social life and perspectives. Our honeymoon bubble was officially popped, we cut the cord off of our so-to speak built-in network we originally moved into, and we had to fend for ourselves. After the completion of numerous house renovations, we concentrated on creating new friendships and connecting with the surrounding community. I further immersed myself in our new life by volunteering, and boys began to attend community preschool and music programs. Our newfound social life and babysitter gave us an even more enhanced life, which made us love living where we did and became our reason for staying put.
2015 delivered many more local and international trips, vacations, celebrations, a yacht club social club membership, -basically more activities and fluff to occupy ourselves and keep up with. The international travel was cathartic but also made me always want to be somewhere else besides the tiny pocket of WNY. The frequent trips to NYC for Czech Consulate business unleashed the city girl mindset within me. This was the first of many "big fish in a small pond" feelings about Bemus.
2016-2017 was a game changer for sure. With the accruement of our Ellicotville winter weekend lifestyle, the Bemus summer debauchery, the boys both in public school now, and adhering to specific schedules, our quintessential family life began being pulled in many directions and stretched way too thin. We were living a very fast-paced life in a very slow-moving place. Cracks began to appear in our perfect family life. The clock we slowed down upon our move, now sped up uncontrollably. There were social distractions, tension, and arguments. Brad indulged in his environment, while I felt overwhelmed with everyone else's schedule and heavily out of balance. As Brad concentrated on his new office, the boys on their full-time school schedule, I worked hard to carve out a little something for myself. My volunteer library and community work led to public service/ humanitarian charity work, party planning and book club leadership, working out with a personal trainer, and finally, transitioning into my education field. I was ready to revive my career, so I applied for my NY school psych/ counseling credential and began substitute teaching while the boys were in school.
Enter a chaotic rollercoaster of emotions. So, here we are, and we've almost made a complete 180 from where we started. Instead of the charming simplified slow-pace life, we managed to flip into a complicated, on-the-go life, juggling school, work, play, and numerous properties. Have we lost the premise of us moving here? Have we lost that uniquely extraordinary life we desired? No. We just grew up. When the boys were babies, we focussed on them, started new traditions, and were there for every single milestone. Now, that 5 years has passed, they are school-aged and we have no choice but to be active participants in our community and adhere to the social norms and rules of this new chapter of family life. Our needs have changed. Our schedules and daily routines are restricted by the school calendar, there is less spontaneity and fluidity. We are constrained by what is available to us and the four-season climate. Naturally, this could be our lifestyle in any zip code, more or less. Boys in school, after-school sports and activities, mom and dad working, planning vacations and trips during breaks. Welcome School Years! There's no way around this structure and phenomenon. Unless you homeschool, or become a nomad family (the thought did cross my mind), this is a reality you cannot alter. We have about 12 more years of this. School, work, and the occasional vacation, then repeat-- for the next TWELVE years! Talk about growing stagnant!!!!
I don't regret moving to WNY five years ago. It was a blessing, a reprieve from our daily routine in CA at the time. We desired a change. We yearned for space, privacy, and slow speed. We did slow down the clock, we were 150% present in our boys' toddler and preschool years. We traveled to 7 countries, on 3 continents, and massive amount of cities. We strengthened the underlying foundation our family is built upon, introduced the boys to their roots (Brad's Bemus upbringing, my Czech heritage, Austrian background, Spain family connection, and California history) while teaching them about other cultures, languages, and the beauty of travel. We taught them to contribute back to every community through charity and volunteer work. We created summer and Christmas traditions, even annual Europe traveling. We introduced them to life-long sports (skiing, lake sports, and golf), and others like karate, baseball, and soccer. We taught them the importance of books and reading, and immersed them in piano. They have been taught to succeed academically, build friendships, try new things, and taught to be as flexible, kind, and open-minded. They are natural-born adventurers and world travelers. They have a city mentality, and small-town beginnings. Both boys are big dreamers too. Whether its wanting to be a police officer and protect communities, veterinarian to help animals, or developing their own toy-lego company when they grow up, or wanting to live in NYC, California, and Austria- the sky has no limits and the possibilities are endless. They know this because of partly the strong traits they inherited from their parents, and their vast exposure to opportunities and experiences at a young age. I don't want them to ever lose that spark. I want them to continue to dream big, to be inspired by new things, to have endless opportunities, to have choices, and to be challenged. Can a small town deliver all these things and keep them on their toes? Will their big city and worldly mindset make them feel bored and restricted in the next 12 years of their schooling, with the same group of students, teachers, and sleepy community? The danger is that unlike the simple upbringing Brad had growing up in this pocket of WNY, the boys travel out quite a bit, and they get a taste of city life, California life, Europe life, and most importantly, they can compare. They will be very aware of the haves, have not's, opportunities, and lack of opportunities and amenities. They will grow up to have very different opinions and viewpoints than their peers in Bemus, Strictly because of their unique knowledge and experiences.
We take parenthood very seriously, and because both Brad and I have such different upbringings (him- small town America, me-immigrant amidst California suburbia.), we wanted to provide our boys with an exceptional childhood. We come from very different families, values, traditions, and geographical regions, yet somehow we managed to find each other and connect over our love for travel and cultures. We are the ying and the yang, and both Leos. Our differences contribute to our individual drive and work ethic, our similarities makes us very adaptable, passionate, and grateful for our experiences. Unlike most, we have been fortunate to make decisions as we please, and as a team, we work together to make things happen. In the beginning, I wasn't so sure I wanted to raise my boys in the community I grew up in, because as an adult I saw the negatives. Brad on the other hand, wanted the boys to grow up in his community because all he saw was the positives. I don't think it was until we moved back here, that he began to see the negatives now as an adult. He may have realized that though Bemus brings him the nostalgia of his youth, it has changed and it isn't like that for modern day youth anymore, and maybe it hasn't progressed as much as it should have. Its almost frozen in time. Now, in reverse, I see the positives and advantages of my youth living in California, and I want my children to have that opportunity as well.
Looking back, our goals for giving our boys an amazing childhood was
1) a simple, grounded, and humble upbringing,
2) a great education with ample opportunities,
3) world travel and exposure to issues and things we deem as important now as adults (that maybe we did or didn't have growing up ourselves).
These 3 factors were what we concentrated on and helped us make the decision to return to Brad's hometown. We also envisioned ourselves living this bicoastal life, incorporating both CA and NY lifestyles and pros, as well as regularly showing them the world. Well, 5 years later, how have we progressed on those goals? I believe we have achieved 1/3 and that is the most we will attain. Why I say this, is because unfortunately (and beyond fortunately) Brad owns a very successful IT company, and I have a substantial career on the high-end of the education field, we are always going to be in the top bracket of financial earnings within any community. Just because we moved the boys to a very simple and humbling small-town community, doesn't mean they will grow up simple and humbled. Sure we've taken away the shiny, glittery, and materialistic community we thought Newport Beach was, and moved them into a rural, run-down, and old community, BUT we've set them up with an an above-average house (make that multiple houses), plenty of nice things and toys, given them access to travel and the world (including luxurious vacations), and quite literally whatever they ask for, they earn it from us. Realistically, this concept alone creates a very different childhood than Brad and I could ever fathom as kids. We took away the flashy environment but we replaced it with a flashy lifestyle. What is the difference, right?
Next up, the problem with the education system in a small town, is that you are confined to an indoor school and classroom because of Winter, forcing the boys to sit and be inactive for 7 hours a day. Being a substitute teacher has served a purpose during the time too, as I have been able to observe how the Bemus schools run, how the teachers teach, an insight into the curriculum and daily routine, and overall atmosphere of both elementary and high school. I am not as impressed as I hoped I would be. The schools are out-dated, there is concern over the water and air circulation system, there is lack of outdoor recess and any recess in general, movement, and creativity in the elementary, lack of career opportunities and stimulation for the high schoolers. I'm not that impressed with the teachers, some are good, but some are awful and that creates anxious kids. As far as opportunities go, there are fewer for the kids in this small town. Unless you are a skier during the winter months, there is nothing to do. The little there is, its limited or in bad areas. Fresh air and sunshine is good for the soul, and here, you must take Vitamin D and ski, if you are going to survive the cold months. I just remember being active as a kid and ability to play outside whenever I wanted or go and try a new activity. As the boys get older, I find them yearning for more activity, free play, and them feeling consistently cooped up and bored. The boys despise getting dressed for cold weather as well! I worry about their anxiety, individuality, and friendships. With no family connection or family get-togethers, it leaves us disconnected from the community. I think the boys naturally gravitate to California because it represents family memories and connections (Chloe). When it comes down to it, all I really want for the boys is to love school, enjoy the diversity, the socialization, and challenge themselves. Outside of school, I want them to be outside as much as possible. Whether its outdoor sports, or riding their bikes around the neighborhood, or going to the community pool with their friends ..... not just in the summer.
#3 Goal is definitely being accomplished but that is regardless of the zip code we live in. Bemus has given us the time and money to get the ball rolling on travel, and in fact, probably giving us the NEED and desire to get out and travel! But with my future additional income, we will be be able to continue to travel regardless of where we live. I was a traveler and planner before marriage and kids, I will always continue to be a traveler and planner. Its in my genes. It feeds my soul and I cannot live without it. Now, its exciting and special to travel with the boys. Maybe CA life would slow down travel, but now that the boys have to adhere to a school calendar, this only, slows down travel no matter where you live.
Which brings me to the conclusion. Despite the ups and downs we've experienced when changing our life from one coast to the other, the whole experience of these last 5 years have served a vital purpose. On a large scale, we focused on our family and figured out our always-changing wants and needs. On an individual scale, Brad was able to spend precious time with his father before he passed away, reconnect and establish a new relationship within the community he grew up in, become more athletic, and tap into the designer and contractor side of him when creating the office of his dreams. Ellicottville was a good solution for the last 2 years, but I'm surprised how quickly we have outgrown it. I feel like theres more negatives than positives in continuing to invest in Ellicottville. Now to me..... the longer I live in Bemus, the more out of place and restricted I feel. Sure, I have branched out, made friendships left and right, always trying something new, always doing something to help, always trying to make things happen.... but that is the exact problem, I am too driven, passionate, and too much of a dreamer to stay in one place and one chapter for too long. Already I feel like I'm not living to my potential. My career potential, my adventure potential, my outdoor nature potential, my envisioned community potential. I admit, the political realm has adversely affected my view of the people and community. It just doesn't represent me, nor does it define who I am. I promised myself at the very first doubt that I would never let the ugly and the broken side of Jamestown and Bemus define who I am and what I stand for...... but its overwhelmed me quite a bit. As I get older, I know this for a fact, surround yourself with those that share in the same values and positive energy, and immerse yourself in a healthy fulfilling environment. I feel that with every bad feeling or experience I receive from living here, it wears and depletes my sunny disposition. I am becoming hardened. I have never wanted to choose between CA or NY, I always yearned to keep up with our dual lives, but a week here or there in CA is not enough to satisfy my being. Balance is the answer. Balance is necessary for achieving happiness and gratitude. The balance of a NY summer tradition (as we initially had) along with summer travel, with a CA school year and school psych career is essential to my being and for our family. The type of energy ones feels somewhere is super important for self-growth. Thus, the journey continues.....
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