Well, here we are at our 3 year Anniversary mark, and I'm so overdue in a deep reflection and of course, posting these beautiful family photos we took last year October 2014. Its been THREE years that we have lived here in Bemus Point, NY. The longest that Taj and Jax have lived in one spot; Taj was 2 years old and Jax was 6 months old when we moved from CA. Looking back at June 2012, when we first moved here and bought our house, we have changed so much. We have grown, evolved, experienced and traveled so much since then. The boys are also much older, they are not babies anymore, they are Preschoolers! We never expected that our first year would be the honeymoon period, you can read the 1st Year Anniversary Reflection here. And although some things still remain true about what was said after our first year, not many people know that at our 1.5 year mark we hit a bump in the road and questioned our future in WNY. That is why the first year of any relationship, location, job, etc…. is called the honeymoon period…. because you are on cloud 9 and its all such a new and exciting experience. However, once reality sets in, there is no such thing as anything being perfect and there are negatives just like there are positives.
For me, my emotions started teeter tottering after returning from my girls weekend in Southern California, that was my first time being back in Cali since we moved. You can read about how amazing that trip was here, and imagine how depressed I felt upon returning. With mixed emotions and comparing the obvious differences of CA and WNY, I struggled in adjusting back to my small town life. What I know now that I didn't know back then, is that I didn't consider the fact that it was a girls weekend (without the daily stress of being a stay-at-home-mom or housewife duties), and that it was a quick VACATION with gorgeous weather. Did I get lucky with the weather (especially by the beach) and having everything work out seeing all my friends I wanted to see? Yes, it worked out in my favor. Is this typical? No. I went on a VACATION, and short-term vacations such as these are always fantastic but its not reality and its not every day life. Two weeks of me questioning our move and Bemus life, and being bitchy while at it, Brad and I finally went out to dinner one night and discovered we both felt similar in our feelings. Maybe our expectations at that point hadn't delivered all we imagined, maybe it wasn't the long term life we thought we wanted. This was our sentiment. We had just finished up our "honeymoon life year" in Bemus with friends and fun handed to us on a silver platter… and things were changing. We started branching out and trying to find our own identity and niche. Our group of friends we spent the majority of our first year with, became busy with their friends because their kids were older, they had different social circles. Brad was busy with work, and since he works solo, he craved the friendships of just going out and grabbing a beer after work and having a place like that to go to. Friends were busy with their lives and we started to feel a disconnection….. our needs in the small town of Bemus were not being met. Every Fall and Winter weather-wise would get more brutal with each year. Every house renovation we worked on, sucked the life out of us. So, we made a pact to give it another couple years, visit and stay in CA for longer period in order to escape Winter, and then return to the drawing board and see how we felt about everything. I was and AM so thankful that Brad and I are a team in this whole adventure, that we don't make decisions without the other. We are in this together, through the bad and the good, and that we communicate to process all of our different emotions.
So, our first family time returning back to Cali and having our own cottage to rent (3 full weeks!) happened in March 2014, and nevertheless, we had a very spiritual, emotional, and nostalgic experience, you can read about it here. There are 3 separate posts documenting the 3 weeks we spent in CA, but this last post is the one in which we reflect on being back in CA and how that made us feel, and is especially true today in how we view our life living in small town Bemus Point.
We are somewhere between a Californian and a New Yorker. A CaliYorkian!!! HA HA! Obviously, Brad is originally from New York but living in California that long really impacted who he is and he shares in the same feeling as I do, being a native Californian. I feel like as a family we encompass those positive social skills and friendliness that Californians are known for, with the honesty, loyalty, and straight-to-the-point traits that New Yorkers have. The East Coast has rubbed off on us, humbled us, and allowed us to live simply so that we are impressed by the things we see when we travel! That's the best way I can describe it. Sometimes it can be confusing, and we feel torn, but for the most part, we are the lucky few to have such an arrangement, and fortunate to be able to go back and forth and keep up those connections. [This trip} also highlighted the fact that no matter where we go, we appreciate what we have.
Just as we used and relied on the Universe in our decision to sell our CDM condo and move our entire life to the East Coast, then seeing which cards would fall into place and depending on that what is meant to be would happen for us…. is the same strategy we used in just letting things work themselves out and seeing what our future would hold for us and how happy we would be. When Brad and I sat down at dinner in 2013 and made the decision to give it another couple of years, we lived in the moment, traveled and took advantage of what came our way (especially East Coast related), kept ourselves open and put our positive thinking out there. But in the back of our minds, we knew we weren't stuck. We knew we had an out and could make the whole experience temporary if we really needed to. This made us take each thing with stride and not dwell on the bad stuff. I am a firm believer in that if you put what you desire and need out into the Universe, staying positive and grateful, that the Universe has a funny way in assisting and delivering. You know you are going down the right path when things start falling into place. When good things happen, and good people come into your life, and you feel yourself growing and evolving in a good way… its a good thing! Its meant to be. I feel spiritual, and become more spiritual as I get older, because I'm figuring out that this is what life is all about. If you think positive and live positive, you will attract positivity and happiness… no matter what circumstance and where you are. We have control over our destiny, but only if we listen close and pay attention to our intuition. What our soul was brought on Earth to accomplish and do is what we are going to fulfill, that is, only if you remain open and objective. Its making decisions, taking risks and chances, staying true to yourself and being honest, and of course, never giving up on a dream. The closer we got to the year 2014 and then 2014 itself, our concerns began to work themselves out and things began to turn around. I connected with a handful of women at the mommy & me classes and library, and immediately we were drawn to each other in common lifestyle and similarities. Our husbands became great friends. We met these brand new friends (many not from this area originally) and began going out on double dates, group dinners, then invited to Yacht Club parties where we connected with even more friends. It just so happened, that at the same time, we had the luxury of having one steady and dedicated babysitter that was available to us at the drop of a dime. She was reliable and allowed us to really develop our social life. The people, specifically, the friends we have gotten very close to is the reason we enjoy living in Bemus. The friendships that we have with them and our children have with their children is authentic. Its that consistent connection that ties us more to this place. 2014 was an influential year…. we had so much support and love surround us (so many summer visitors too). We felt like we were bicoastal as we took traveling up a notch, and built on our traditions, and new holiday and family get togethers. Our needs were being met in a big way and we were very positive.
Since the start of 2015, we added on to our Bemus life. We are branching out and establishing ourselves and planting more roots. We made frequent visits to NYC and realized how awesome it is to be this close to the City and how we want to incorporate that into our life. We found a winter solution in addition to continuing our March in CA. We have accumulated yet another property, this time in Ellicottville, a winter ski resort town that really delivers what we want for our Winter lifestyle, and family life in general. We decided this would be our weekend escape, a reason to get out of Bemus when we need to change it up, and its close enough where we can anytime we want. Of course, this requires a big commitment once again, money and major renovations…. the guest house or bunkie as its called, is ready for use and what we will be using this Winter before and during the big renovations on the main house. Once the main house is complete, it will serve as our second home, a place we will make double the memories with our friends and family, and we can use it throughout the year. I think this decision enhanced our life on the East Coast. We are fortunate to afford this and have this option. We also joined the Yacht Club this year, a really fun social club where we are able to go and hang out with fun friends during warm and cold times of the year. No complaints there or regarding summer, other then with all our new social additions and people, we find ourselves strapped for family time and constantly on-the-go. We have to remind ourselves to slow down and get back to that place we desired to be when we first moved here. To slow down the clock, enjoy each moment, and live SIMPLY. With all the materialistic things, toys, homes, and boat… this is not an easy task. Everything we accumulate and add on brings us more stress, work, and strain on our marriage. This is borderline what happens to everyone living in CA…. keeping up with social events, friends, the lifestyle, keeping up with the Jones's, feeling consumed with the fast pace and activities. That can happen virtually anywhere I guess, even a small lake town in middle of farmland in the southern western tip of New York state!
In hindsight, in the 3 years we have lived here, we are now where we never thought we would be when we first moved here. Its been 2 years since we made that pact, and we have no plans to move back to CA. I definitely miss parts of California and the people, but that reason alone isn't enough for us to pack all of our belongings and move cross country again. We would never find our happiness if we didn't figure how to live our life without all the glitter and fluff. I don't want to be on the run, or constantly moving. Though I often battle with my own demons and emotions when coming back from a place like Southern California, our priority is our children and for them to have the most grounded simple childhood. Now that the boys are attending school, and the local school, I discovered just how great the school is and the benefits my boys will have. Authenticity is the word that best describes our life and the choice in how we live. We resisted commercialism, overdevelopment, and suburbia and instead moved to a small rural lake town, bought a Frank Lloyd Wright style house with land and a dock. We live an authentic life. We travel more, appreciate more. We have good friends. We spend a lot of time with the kids. Life is good for now, and we will keep going one day at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment